dear Z,
..
i hope you will not think
that you need to repay
the love i shower you with
every day.
i am not asking you to.
and i will never do...
you do not owe me anything.
you are not indebted to me.
my darling,
i love you.
i love you truly.
..
i hope you will never feel
the need to think like me.
if your views differ from mine,
that is because you are not me.
and that is perfectly fine.
if we think differently,
that is how it is supposed to be.
i am raising you
to be you...
not to be another me.
..
i hope you will never feel
like i am the all-powerful parent
and you are the ever so powerless child.
neither of us has got power over the other.
i hope you will never be afraid
of me...
of talking back at me,
of arguing with me,
or of having a go at me
when i am being stupid.
let me say sorry when i am wrong.
do tell me off when without even listening,
i am making assumptions
or jumping to conclusions.
i hope you will feel you can always talk
to me
to your mama and papa
about everything under the sun
and that you will trust us
to never judge you...
your words especially.
..
i hope you will not be afraid to hide
some truths from me.
whether you would be lying or not,
i couldn't care less.
i care only about the why,
why you would feel you needed to lie...
but know and bear in mind
that you own your secrets,
you own your decisions,
you own your lies.
we are here for you
always anyway.
and i hope mama and papa can always hear
those words that you choose not to say.
..
i hope you will not think that saying damn
or shit or bollocks or fuck...
makes you less human
like most religious hypocrites say,
as i've heard it all my life.
it truly does not.
not even a little bit.
you know...
sometimes when you swear,
you lighten your heart
and unload whatever is in there.
swearing is only ever an outlet
to whatever you're feeling,
not a representation
of you as a human being.
and sooner you'll see...
your mama swears like a trooper,
and your papa still thinks
she is a wonder.
..
i hope you will not force yourself
to give people respect
if they are not worthy.
all the more when they demand,
disrespecting you in the process.
whomever they may be,
don't give it out automatically.
no free passes.
not even me.
neither age nor blood
is a privilege or an excuse
to be a load of shit,
so give your respect to every body -
the old and those younger than you -
just to everybody who deserves it.
and i would never ask you to respect anybody
'because i say so'
nor 'because you need to'.
..
i hope you will not submit to the pressure
to believe in a higher power.
but always remember
to never deliberately hurt another.
do good because you want to.
don't do it out of fear of a so-called hell,
out of waiting for who knows what/when,
nor in anticipation of a reward
or desire for a so-called heaven.
do good because you want to.
be good because that is you.
and always try to treat people
the way you would treat you.
..
i hope you will not think
that blood is thicker than water.
family is not always blood.
blood is not always family.
one day you will discover
some friendships that deserve your loyalty
and your heart
and certain familial bonds
you ought to discard.
it is normal to feel awful when you do.
but...
disconnect.
sever those familial ties
when they threaten your happiness
and peace of mind.
sever relations
with whomever makes you question your heart
no matter what your connection.
..
i hope you will not try to figure out
what other people think about you.
that's a recipe for disaster,
no doubt.
you should not be bothered
whether they think you are weak or strong,
or bad or good.
let them think whatever.
let them be wrong.
let them be right.
what you think about you
is the only thing that should matter.
..
i hope you will not try so hard to fit in
then think you're a freak when you don't.
it is a wonder to be different,
to be weird...
as it is a rarity.
be you.
give yourself the gift of love
and honesty.
that is the one thing
most people will find difficult to do.
so please,
you do you.
..
i hope you will not learn to discriminate.
accept people,
especially those who are different from you,
your views, your principle.
no gender, wit, physique, money
should matter.
accept people as they are.
it makes this world a little better.
i would not wish that you find the girl of your dreams
because you may want a guy...
so i wish you find that person of your dreams,
whomever your heart desires.
mama and papa love you as you are.
and i hope we are your safe space,
within which you never feel alone.
and your comfort zone,
within which you never feel
the need to hide your face.
..
i hope you will not be afraid
to try and fail...
or even think that failure
is such a bad thing.
try and try.
win sometimes.
lose sometimes.
this is life.
and if they say it is easy
and laugh when you fall,
they have not learnt anything at all.
learn to know when to keep trying,
learn to see when to quit.
and please remember...
success is all relative.
never let anyone measure your success,
especially using their own definition of it.
..
i hope you will not ever doubt yourself
about the things you can do.
mama had lived in fear
of being criticised or disliked...
until you came.
since then
i've no longer got fucks to give
and i've never been happier.
if there's something you think
that you love to do,
a dream?
i do hope you don't take as many years as i did
to go and try reach for it.
try and do what you truly love to do.
and do that for yourself,
not for mama nor papa,
but for you.
know that papa and mama will always be here
to support you through and through.
..
i hope you will not need me forever.
i will miss this -
you needing me
every second of the day.
but the world is quite wild
and you must learn to live
on your own soon. someday.
so when you feel i'm being harsh, my love,
i hope you remember you need to be tough.
nothing is certain,
and i am not going to be alive forever.
before i go,
i need to make sure
you can brave any weather...
that nothing can ever ever break you,
nothing/nobody ever.
..
i hope you will not sacrifice your joy
to please papa or me.
we would never be pleased
if you were unhappy.
i wish i knew how to explain this better -
the importance of happiness,
your happiness...
why it matters and how much it matters
to your mother and father.
not your marks, your house,
your money, your fancy car.
those are not what i wish to see.
i am already proud of you
for all that you are...
what would make me prouder...
is a genuinely happy you.
so wherever you are,
whatever you do,
please remember this one thing:
mama hopes you are happy with yourself
and with the life you are living.
..
i hope you will not think
that you owe me comfort
or a rich life...
no money matters to worry...
or that you should take care of me and papa
when we are both old and weary.
you do not owe me anything.
i love you.
i truly do.
and i do not think i can ever put
that sort of pressure on you.
but there's this thing...
this one thing you can do for me
this one thing you must do for you -
wherever you are,
whoever you are with,
whatever you do,
please make sure
that you truly are content and happy...
that you are at peace with yourself...
and that...
you love you.
~ mama
..